chinenist

Title: What Can I Say? What Can I Do?
Author: chiyakenyu
Pairing: YamaChii~
Rating: G
Summary: This is who I am and I am hurting you.
Note: Listen to What Can I Say by Dead by April when reading this.

I realize that I like using the word "what" in my titles

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What Can I Say? What Can I Do?

Yamada x Chinen

I never thought of hurting you. It wasn’t my intention yet I made my mistake.

You watched me from afar with those sad eyes and stiffened at my touch when I approached you. Wasn’t I enough? What did I do? I can’t help but wonder.

If I did something wrong, tell me. If I did something to hurt you, tell me. If you stopped loving me, tell me. Whatever you do, please tell me.

I will be hurt too but since it’s you, I am going to take that risk. I love you so much. If I did wrong somewhere, please tell me.

I guess I was wrong?

It didn’t matter how much you ignored me, it didn’t matter how much I tried to approach you. He still felt distant – like you never have done before. That light feather touch I gave you made you freeze and giving me a cold glare. Why do I always end up hurting those I love?

The questions still linger in my head and I don’t know what to do. I can’t go on if you continue to ignore me like this. What happened to the time where we both believed in us - in the both of us? Where did the happy days go?

Was everything my fault? Did I really do wrong this time?

I can’t understand. I can’t believe. I can’t hope anymore. You are gone out of my life, like you never existed. This time it really was my fault. I always end up hurting you.

You came back to see me. You asked me if I was alright. I could only shake my head in disagreement. You gave me those sad eyes again. The tears welled up again. I let them go this time and soon I felt your light touch. This time I wasn’t touching you. This time you were touching me. What I saw now was regret in your eyes.

You told me that you were sorry. I shook my head once again and told you that it wasn’t your fault. I told you that this time it was my fault. You told me it never was my fault. You blamed yourself. I blamed myself. We both doubted each other.

I really tried, I really did try. It wasn’t enough. I really tried to change – just for you, yet my presence wasn’t even enough. Always wanted more but I never blamed you. For you, I am willing to do everything. For you, I am willing to hurt myself. As long as you’re happy, I am happy.

The pain I feel is nothing compared if you cry. If those tears aren’t out of happiness, I don’t know what to do. This time I lost everything.

You came back to me but for what reason?

I always end up hurting you. Because this is who I am and I am hurting you yet I keep trying because I can’t live without. You keep trying. You believed in me – not in us but in me. I can’t change even if I love you. You realized that, because this is who I am yet I am hurting you.